a milestone

It’s taken me a long time to feel safe coming back here. When I wrote my last post in April, I had no idea that I would be switching off for such a long time.

A few weeks after that post – we found out that we would be welcoming another little baby into the world. It was a shock to say the least, but a shock we were over the moon about. As you can imagine, this pregnancy has opened up a wide range of emotions and anxiety that we half expected but could never have known the full extent of until they hit us.

I stopped writing because I was worried I would jinx us. That if I wrote about how overjoyed I was, this little life would be ripped away from us. Of course I’m still worried that this won’t end well. I’m worried that this baby will die too. But at the moment I’m hopeful. I’m hopeful and I’m in love.

We’ve made it to 24 weeks. My pregnancy is now deemed viable by medical experts. We made it past the 23 weeks and 4 days we had with our twin boys before they died. It feels like I should celebrate. This is a win for us!

I know there is so much that could go wrong. But with that in mind, I want to be aware and alert, not a alarmed and anxious. I want more glimpses of calm and relaxed to appear throughout my day.

Whatever happens from here on in, I want us to enjoy the time we have with this little one. Hopefully, that time will last until I’m old and grey and this little one has grown up into a big one.

I’m trying hard to focus on the good, the happy and the simple. Writing has always helped me with that, so hopefully this post marks my return.